Mr Fuzzles, we're not in the game anymore
by Hikaze
Summary: Mostly a humor fic. Well, totally a humor fic. This has no resemblance to Oot, except for the characters. Please R&R!
1. The New Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: I never have, and never will, own Zelda. Although I wish I did.  
  
Here's some back-story: Link has just crushed Ganon. And he has a bad habit of tuning out really long dialogue. And Zelda has a habit of causing really long dialogue. End back-story. [Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
**Zelda and Link are floating in the middle of somewhere, Link returns the Ocarina. Harps and ocarina music fill the air with a peaceful sound.**  
  
Link: [I am so good]  
  
Zelda: I will now play the Song of Time, and with it blah blah blah blah blah blah  
  
Link: [I beat Ganon. No. I killed Ganon. No. I made him kneel at my feet]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [I have got to be the best -looking guy around]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah. But Link, before you must leave, please return to the castle with me. I need to see you privately.  
  
Link: O.O Umm.What?  
  
Zelda: We must return to Hyrule Castle to discuss a few matters of great importance.  
  
Link: O.o ...Why? **pictures a very naked Zelda "discussing" things with him** **grins evilly**  
  
**peaceful music stops and is replaced by love songs**  
  
Link: What the-  
  
Zelda: LINK! STOP PICTURING ME NAKED!! AND STOP THAT DAMN MUSIC!!  
  
**peaceful music resumes**  
  
Link: [Damn psychic girl]  
  
Zelda: I HEARD THAT! You're gonna get it now pretty boy!  
  
Link: O.o **Starts picturing-**  
  
Zelda: NOT LIKE THAT YOU MORON!!! Now lets go.  
  
Link: But why?  
  
Zelda: BECAUSE I SAID SO YOU BRAIN-DEAD IDIOT!! WHY do you ALWAYS question absolutely EVERY FREAKING THING ever asked of you. It's no wonder Navi said she was gonna run away after you returned to the past!!!  
  
Link: **eyes get big and wet** She was gonna WHAT??? **chokes back sobs**  
  
Navi: yeahthatsrightlinkimgonnarunafteryoubecomeakidagainimsickofyourmoronic-  
  
Link: Coffee  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Link: Coffee. Navi's had tooooo much coffee.  
  
**in background: andeverytimeyouseeanenemyihavetotellyouwhatitisbecauseyouresoooo dumbanddontknowanythingand-**  
  
Zelda: Where did Navi-.Never mind. I am now transporting us blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So what did y'all think?  
  
Link: You suck. And don't look nearly as good as me.  
  
hikaze: shut up. I can make you.  
  
Link: No you- O.O  
  
I know it's a bit short but please R&R! This is my first attempt at this. It'll get better. I promise. 


	2. Link's Secret Revealed! Almost!

Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will not ever own Zelda. Although I wish I did.  
  
=======================================================================  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah. Welcome to Hyrule Castle! This is the courtyard.  
  
Link: When the heck did this thing get rebuilt?  
  
Zelda: While we were talking in the clouds.  
  
Link: .oh.  
  
**Two guards approach, but stop upon hearing Navi**  
  
Navi: thatsrightlinkyouhadbettersayohbecausethatsallyoulleverknowhowtosayyoustupid -  
  
Link: Muffler.  
  
Zelda: Muffler? You mean for Navi?  
  
Link: No. My car.  
  
Zelda: you don't have a car. And you can't drive.  
  
Link: I've got a car.  
  
Zelda: .When?  
  
Link: While we were talking in the clouds. I mean, if the goddesses can build a castle, why not a car?  
  
Zelda: WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAR IS!! THIS IS HYRULE!! HOW COULD THEY MAKE ONE?  
  
**The guards exchange glances**  
  
Link: Tires.  
  
Zelda: What? For your "car", I suppose. **sarcastically** Would you like brakes and a radiator too?  
  
Link: No, just tires.  
  
Zelda: What the HECK for?  
  
Link: To run Navi over with.  
  
Zelda: You're so weird. That reminds me, we need to talk.  
  
Link: **sighs** about what?  
  
Zelda: About your-  
  
Link: **eyes light up** Yeah  
  
Zelda: Your.umm.how should I say this.  
  
Link: Yeah?!?! What?!?! **dirty pictures flash through link's mind**  
  
Zelda: **sees link's thoughts** LINK!!! YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ASS IN THE WORLD!!!!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ANYTHING but THAT!! **starts sobbing uncontrollably**  
  
**The guards decide the Hero of Time is having a very "personal moment" and depart, forgetting to inform Zelda and Link that Ganondorf has escaped the Sacred Realm**  
  
Zelda: You idiot. You ARE the biggest ass, you don't HAVE the biggest ass.  
  
Link: **looks up** Really? 'cause I wouldn't mind being known for a nice ass.  
  
Zelda: LINK! Shut up! You look better when you're silent.  
  
Link: You think I'm hot. I KNEW it!  
  
Zelda: I'm gonna KILL you!  
  
Navi: ohlinkyouregonnagetitnowzeldasgonnakillyouaboutsoethingyoudidthatwasreally-  
  
Link: **sprays a cloud of mace at Navi**  
  
Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: Good shot!  
  
Navi: Just kidding!  
  
Zelda: Damn! Wait! Did Navi just make a coherent sentence.  
  
Link: Holy shit! Yeah, she did.  
  
Navi: ohcrapididntmeantosoundlikeyoumoronsireallydidntmeantodothatitwasjustaslipup -  
  
Link: Aaaanyways, weren't you gonna say something?  
  
Zelda: Yes. Link-  
  
Navi: yesididhavesomethingtosayiwasafraidyouwouldntevergetaroundtoaskingmethat-  
  
Link: **gets an idea** **pulls out an empty bottle and captures Navi**  
  
Navi: OOOlinkimgonnagetyouwhenigetoutofhereandyouwillbeinbigtroublewiththefairygod dessesandtheywillstrikeyoudownandineedmorecoffee-  
  
Zelda: You really are smart on occasion, Link. In fact, you must be the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [I really need to find a good place to store my waffles in this castle]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [I should have a room for my Cow]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [Did I leave the stove on? What if Mr. Fuzzles gets close?? NOOO MR. FUZZLES!! NOT THE STOVE!!!]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [What if Zelda finds my waffles? She'll- is she STILL going??]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [What if she's BROKEN!?!? I'll never be able to stop her!! OH NOOOOOO!! Hmmm, a waffle maker that never stops making waffles. Mmmmmmmmmmm. OH! Zelda! O great goddess Din help me! I'll even go to the temple of time more. Please help your loyal servant. I beg you.]  
  
**A bright sphere of light appears out of nowhere and zaps Zelda with a bolt of pure energy. Then it disappears**  
  
Zelda: HEY!! THAT COULD'VE KILLED..actually, that felt pretty good. Kinda like **Zelda gets a look in her eyes and giggles**  
  
Link: **looks at Zelda then gasps** HEY! I KNOW THAT LOOK!!! IT'S MINE!!! **Link gets the look in his eyes and giggles harder** ZELDA!!! How DARE you!! **Link starts giggles harder** All this time.  
  
Zelda: **smiles and turns bright red**  
  
Link: I can't believe that all this time.  
  
Zelda: Yes?  
  
Link: You've been making.  
  
Zelda: YES??  
  
Link: That all this time you've had.  
  
Zelda: OOOHHHH!!! TELL ME BABY!!! I WANNA HEAR IT!!!  
  
Link: THAT ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN MAKING GIANT WAFFLES IN YOUR BRAND NEW WAFFLE MAKER DIN SENT YOU IN THAT BOLT OF ENERGY!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: YES!!! OH, YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'M- wait, what? A WAFFLE MAKER?? Are you serious? **gasps** you ARE!! I don't have a waffle maker! I don't even know what those are!  
  
Link: Then was that **gasps** your I've-been-secretly-making-throne- slipcovers-Martha-Stewart-style?  
  
Zelda: **gasps** you found out! yes link it was.  
  
Link: Can we move over there? **gesturing to somewhere else in the courtyard** Or maybe sigh a little more? All of this gasping has sucked all of the air right out of this space, and the vacuum will kill us if we enter it.  
  
Zelda: Always the picky one, aren't you?  
  
Link: [you know, all I'd have to do to shut her up is-]  
  
Zelda: Don't even think it, Link. You know I know what you're thinking.  
  
Link: **gasps** Gasp!  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Link: I know who did it!  
  
Zelda: Did what?  
  
Link: It was Colonel Mustard in the observatory with.umm.CRAP! I FORGOT!  
  
Zelda: I know the "with". I read your thoughts. But I'm not telling. P  
  
Link: [Freak lady]  
  
Zelda: FREAK?? FINE!! Just go eat one of your waffles, you moron.  
  
Link: Mmmmm. Waffles. I love waffles.  
  
**The guards, remembering that Ganondorf poses a serious threat to that Friday night's plans, approach Link and Zelda yet again**  
  
Link: I love them when they're hot and steamy.  
  
**The guards stop in their tracks**  
  
Link: I like to give 'em a little nibble before I start.  
  
Zelda: **Noticing the guards** um.Link.can you-  
  
Link: Then I like to lick them all over.  
  
**The guards start blushing**  
  
Zelda: Link! Stop!  
  
Link: Then I like to butter 'em up.  
  
Zelda: LINK! HEY!! SHUT UP!!  
  
**The guards smile knowingly**  
  
Link: Then I like to pour some delicious syrup all over them.  
  
Zelda: HEY! MORON! EARTH TO MORON!!  
  
Link: OOOHHHH.I can almost taste 'em. But then,  
  
**The guards start to run to Link full of a heart-pounding desire to be near him**  
  
Link: Then I like to chop 'em up into little pieces and eat 'em.  
  
**The guards stop in their tracks, horrified**  
  
Zelda: **spies guards again** Oh! Guards! What messages do you have?  
  
Guards: **look at link, then start running** ABSOLUTELY NONE, PRINCESS ZELDA! GANONDORF IS GONE!! GOODBYE!!  
  
Link: I wonder why they said that ugly loser was gone. [I beat him AND I'm better looking. Oh yeah.]  
  
Zelda: Oh! While you're thinking of you, I should ask that question I've been meaning to ask.  
  
Link: OK. I'm ready.  
  
Zelda: Exactly HOW, and I want to know EXACTLY,-  
  
**Link and Zelda gasp simultaneously **  
  
Ganondorf: I'm baaaaaaaaaack!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At least it's better than chapter one. Anyone wanna R&R this chapter? I'd like to know how I'm doing.  
  
Link: you suck! A moblin with a lower-than-average IQ could do better!  
  
Bite me.  
  
Link: Don't tempt me  
  
Bring it on pretty boy.  
  
Link: **Tears up** You DO think I'm hot!  
  
**twitches** You're gonna pay for that one. 


	3. A New Friend

Disclaimer: Zelda isn't mine. It doesn't even pretend to be mine. It never will, either.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's note: I speak Spanish. Used a translator for the others. Translations at bottom. (you'll see)  
  
Zelda and Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  
  
Link: [wait! I'm to cool to scream!] **begins crying** WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Zelda and Ganondorf: o.o  
  
Zelda: Umm...Link?  
  
Link: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I THOUGHT I WON!!  
  
Ganondorf: O.o  
  
Link: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! I'm gonna make you PAY, ugly loser face jerk wad. **sniffs** why do you have to make me look so bad. **sobs**  
  
Zelda: **to ganondorf** Sorry. His bipolar disorder acts up when he gets excited sometimes. LINK! Snap out of it!  
  
Link: OK. Ganondorf, **points finger accusingly** Why are YOU out of your prison??  
  
Ganondorf: **smiles evilly** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT THE ALL POWERFUL GANONDORF!!! NOW ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE MY WILL!!! MY REVENGE WILL BE EXACTED AND EVIL WILL BE BROUGHT BACK TO THIS LAND!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: O come on, man. That was SO lame. I mean, that was the most unoriginal evil rant I've ever heard. And I've heard quite a few. Mostly from you. But still...  
  
Ganondorf: NOW YOU WILL REGRET YOUR EVER TRYING TO STOP THE GREAT GANONDORF. I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL FEAR LIKE NEVER BEFORE. **his voice starts to echo** YOU-YOU-you-you WILL-WILL-will-will FEEL-FEEL-feel-feel FEAR- FEAR-fear-fear... Hey! What the- **turns around and whacks a machine** Much better. NOW YOU WILL PAY LINK!! YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY LIKE AN IRS AGENT ON SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T PAY HIS TAXES THIS YEAR!!!!! YOU WILL PAY LIKE-  
  
Link: OK, OK! Chill dude! **a freezing wind whips around Ganondorf until he turns blue** Hey! We're in Literal-Land! **Turns to Zelda** FREEZE!! **nothing happens** Awww... stupid writer ruining my fun. **pouts, then turns to a recovering Ganondorf** You dork! Using the Evil-Voice-O-Matic! How lame.  
  
Ganondorf: Jerk. I hate you.  
  
Link: Ooooooo! How EVIL! **smirks**  
  
Ganondorf: You know what? Shut up. I just don't feel like being evil anymore. I became too nice in my Evil Sacred Realm, so it kicked me out.  
  
Zelda: Oh! Poor thing! I'm so sorry! **hugs Ganondorf**  
  
Link: HEY! Leave her alone you jerk! **Gets angry** Estupido idiota. ¡Voy a matarte si no salas!#  
  
Ganondorf: Te odio. ¡Quiero ser un tipo bueno como usted. ^ I only want some friends.  
  
Zelda: O.O I didn't know you two could speak Spanish.  
  
Link: Huh? What're you talking about? I speak Hylian. Like you.  
  
Zelda: What? But...but you just did! I heard it. You and Ganondorf. I'm sure of it.  
  
Ganondorf: Maybe you're tired...  
  
Zelda: **rising hysteria in voice** NO!! I saw the upside down exclamation points!!! THAT WAS SPANISH!!!  
  
Link: o.o You saw the upside down... what?? Vous venez d'a besoin d'un petit sommeil, Zelda. Cela est tout.@  
  
Zelda: **totally hysterical** NOW YOU'RE SPEAKING FRENCH!!! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE????  
  
Ganondorf: Nichts gehend, Zelda weiter. Das Reden von jedem normal hier.&  
  
Zelda: **runs around courtyard hysterically** GERMAN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
**Twilight Zone music starts**  
  
Zelda: WHERE'S THAT MUSIC COMING FROM??? SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!  
  
Navi: det har rett Zelda, De drar gal og ingenting stanser det nå ikke enang kraften av forfatteren av denne fic slik De dømmer De lider og føler vreden av Navifairy fra helvete %  
  
Zelda: NOT NAVI!!! NOW SHE'S DOING IT!!! AND THAT'S NORWEGIAN!!!! SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY!!!  
  
**a click sounds in the air and Link and Ganondorf revert to speaking Hylian (aka English and the music stops)**  
  
Link: You're losing it, Muffin. **to Ganondorf** She's losing it, Muffin.  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAA- **stops** huh?  
  
Ganondorf: Huh? Muffin?  
  
Zelda and Ganondorf: **look at each other** He called you Muffin? He called me Muffin! **to link** Don't call us Muffin!  
  
Link: How about waffle-muffin?  
  
Zelda and Ganondorf: NO!!  
  
Link: But I'm hungry. **whines** I want food now!! I mean, I never stopped to rest or eat or sleep once while I was trying to stop Ganondorf.  
  
Zelda: Fine. Let's go eat.  
  
Link: **looks at Ganondorf** Him, too?  
  
Zelda: Sure. Why not. He's nice now. And I bet he's hungry.  
  
Ganondorf: Yeah. Let's eat.  
  
***In Kitchen**  
  
Ganondorf: Do you know how to make filet mingnon, Zelda?  
  
Zelda: Sure, I learned a lot of cooking techniques while I was hiding from you Ganondorf. In fact, I found that if you blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Link: [Waffles. I really want waffles. Hot and steamy. Covered in syrup] **drools**  
  
Ganondorf: **listening intently to Zelda** wow. Really? I never knew that!  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah .  
  
Link: [I'm sure I left the stove on.] **looks over at stove and sees it on** [Dang! I knew it. But, what about Mr. Fuzzles?] **looks over at stove again, and sees Mr. Fuzzles walking towards it** MR FUZZLES!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! **dives toward the stove**  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah- Link, could you keep it down, I'm talking- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...  
  
Link: **knocks Mr. Fuzzles away, but lands on stove** EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...  
  
Link: ow. Owow. Owowowowowowowowowowow. [I really could use some waffles]  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah. And that's how you make a triple layered choco-berry-nilla frosted cheesecake.  
  
Ganondorf: **furiously taking notes** uh-huh. Uh-huh. OK. Got it. Wow, thanks Zelda.  
  
Zelda: Sure.  
  
Link: [Waffles. Must have waffles]  
  
Zelda: Well, I guess I'd better start cooking...  
  
Link: [WafflesWafflesWafflesWafflesWafflesWafflesWafflesWafflesWaffles]  
  
Zelda: What would you like to eat, Link.  
  
Link: Hmmmm. I'm really not sure. Lemme think about it.  
  
Zelda: How about you ganondorf?  
  
Ganondorf: I'd like some pig. Ham and bacon. I don't know why but I'm craving pig.  
  
Zelda: Coming right up.  
  
**Later**  
  
Zelda: Here's your pig. **hands Ganondorf a plate of waffles**  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MY WAFFLES!!!! **snatches plate from Ganondorf**  
  
Ganondorf: Hey! You jerk! Those are mine! I wan't 'em back! **starts to cry**  
  
Zelda: Link! Give it back! NOW!  
  
Link: But...  
  
Zelda: I SAID NOW!!!  
  
Link: O.O **shrinks to the size of a mouse** Yes mommy.  
  
Zelda: That's better.  
  
Link: But he wanted ham and bacon. From a pig.  
  
Zelda: **stares at Link, then Ganondorf, then the waffles, then giggles** oops. Sorry. **takes plate of waffles and chucks them out the window**  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! **jumps after waffles**  
  
Zelda and Ganondorf: O.O  
  
Zelda: we didn't see that.  
  
Ganondorf: OK.  
  
**Zelda leaves and brings back a platter full of waffles for all three of them**  
  
Zelda: Poor Link. I thought he would like these better. Those others were waffles made from pig.  
  
Voice from far below window: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
Zelda: Let's eat.  
  
Ganondorf: OK.  
  
**A few minutes later Link arrives through the window**  
  
Link: **pants** Had to... climb... thirty stories... up a vertical wall... I heard the sound of waffles being smothered in syrup. Where are they?  
  
Zelda: **gestures at table** All gone.  
  
Link: : NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! **sits down on the floor and starts sobbing** you're not my friends anymore. I want a divorce.  
  
Ganondorf: **hands Link the last bite of waffle and smiles kindly** Here. Eat it.  
  
Link: **Eyes get big** Really??  
  
Ganondorf: Uh-huh.  
  
Link: **hugs ganondorf** I love you. Will you marry me?  
  
Ganondorf: Yes.  
  
Link: Will you have my child?  
  
Ganondorf: I will.  
  
Link: Just kidding!!  
  
Ganondorf: Hahaha! Good joke! **punches link in the face and eats waffle**  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAA!! My face! AAAAAAAAAAA!! My waffle!! AAAAAAAAAAA!! I'm not beautiful anymore!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I just said I wasn't beautiful!!! **sobs**  
  
Ganondorf: I'm sorry link.  
  
Link: Really?  
  
Ganondorf: No.  
  
Link: **sobs**  
  
Zelda: Why can't we all be friends here?  
  
Ganondorf: He was mean to me.  
  
Zelda: NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ONLY WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE YOURSELVES IF YOU ANSWER THIS QUESTION: If train A leaves it's station traveling 40mph, and Train B leaves it's station accelerating up to 60 mph, and they are on the same track, what's the capital of Guam?  
  
Ganondorf: Huh?  
  
Zelda: WRONG!! NOW FEEL MY WRATH!! **runs up and spanks Ganondorf**  
  
Ganondorf: Mmmmmmmmm- I mean- OWOWOWOWOWOWOWmmmmmmmmmm.  
  
Zelda: Did you just..........say mmmmmmm?  
  
Ganondorf: Ohhhh. Yeeeaaahh.  
  
Zelda: WRONG!! LINK!! WHAT IS YOUR FINAL ANSWER??  
  
Link: Waffles!  
  
Zelda: WRO- did you say "waffles"? CORRECT!! **gives link a kiss**  
  
Link: [I KNEW IT! I'm so hot she can't resist me. I'm so hot, I'm on fire. Oh yeah]  
  
Zelda: Now lets all be friends, because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...  
  
Link and Ganondorf: OK! OK! Just shut up!  
  
Zelda: blah blah blah blah blah blah. OK.  
  
**Our heroes run outside into Hyrule field and frolic until the sun sets. Then all three get in a circle to talk**  
  
Zelda: Wow. That was so much fun. I like your piggyback rides Ganondorf.  
  
Ganondorf: **blushes** Thanks.  
  
Zelda: OH! Link! I almost totally forgot! I was gonna ask you something.  
  
Link: **playing pattywaffles (get it?) with ganondorf** oh! That's right. What was it?  
  
Zelda: Turn around! I wanna ask your face, not your side.  
  
Link: **sighs and turns around** OK. What?  
  
Zelda: How is it even remotely possible that you-  
  
Ganondorf: FIRE! FIRE! THE CASTLE'S ON FIRE!  
  
Link: MR. FUZZLES!! MY WAFFLES!!! NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
#: Stupid Idiot! I'm going to kill you if you don't leave!  
  
^: I hate you! I wanna be a good guy like you. I only want some friends!  
  
@: You just need a little sleep, Zelda. That's all.  
  
&: Nothing's going on, Zelda. Everybody's talking normal here.  
  
%:thatsrightZeldayouregoingcrazyandnothingcanstopitnownoteventhepoweroftheau thorofthisficsoyouaredoomedyoushallsufferandfeelthewrathofNavithefairyfromhe ll!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **Wipes brow** Phew! That was pretty fun! How was it? Please R&R!  
  
Link: It wasn't as pretty as me.  
  
Shut up.  
  
Link: Make me.  
  
OK. **presses button and links teeth disappear**  
  
Link: NOOOOOO!! Ma feef! Ma bootifuh feef!! Ma bootifuh fahce! **sobs** 


	4. An Old Enemy

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Or link. Or Ganon. Or anyone or thing else in the game.  
  
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(A/n): I'm tired of typing Ganondorf. I'm just gonna call him ganon from now on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Link: THE CASTLE'S BURNING DOWN!!! WHAT DO WE DOOOOOO??? **runs in little circles screaming** NOOOOOOOOO!!! MY WAFFLES!!! MR. FUZZLES!!! I'M TO PRETTY TO DIE!!! NOOOOOOOO!!  
  
Zelda: **slaps link across the face** LINK!! You're not even in the castle! Snap out of it!!  
  
Link: But the castle's on fire! WHAT ABOUT MR. FUZZLES??!?!? AND MY WAFFLES!?!?!? ANSWER ME!!!!  
  
Zelda: We'll find a way to save them!!  
  
Ganon: Ummm...Just kidding.  
  
Link and Zelda: HUH????  
  
Ganon: There's no fire.  
  
Zelda: WHAT!!  
  
Link. No. Fire?  
  
Ganon: Ummm...heh...heh...  
  
Link: NO FIRE???  
  
Ganon: About that...  
  
Link: **very, very angry** YES!!!???  
  
Ganon: meep!  
  
Link: OUT WITH IT YOU MORON!!!!  
  
Ganon: **voice gets tiny** don't hurt me!  
  
Link: THAT'S GONNA BE THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS IN A MINUTE!!!!!!  
  
Ganon: I thought the sunset against the castle was a really, really, really big fire...  
  
Zelda: o.o [wow. He's really stupid. The castle's in the east from this position. But you know, he's kinda cute when he's dumb]  
  
Link: YOU STUPID- **has same thought as Zelda** you're- you're kinda cute when you're dumb, ya' know that? **realizes what the author made him say and starts sobbing** **remembers the burning castle** wait... you're facing the castle, not the sun... **gasps and turns toward the castle**  
  
Zelda: **does the same**  
  
Ganon: **also does the same**  
  
All three: **gasp**  
  
Ganon: Just kidding! No fire! Anywhere! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY WORK HAS BEEN COMPLETED! **vanishes in a puff of smoke**  
  
Zelda and Link: O.O .................................?  
  
Zelda: Umm.......Link?  
  
Link: No idea.  
  
Zelda: Was that...a joke...or something?  
  
Link: I think he never turned good. He spent all that time with us just to play that joke on us. He- **eyes widen in horror** HE ATE MY WAFFLES!!! AND NOW HE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE YOUR SECRET RECIPIE CHEESECAKE!!! AND HE ATE MY WAFFLES!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND I ASKED HIM TO MARRY ME!!! HE'S SO UN- BEAUTIFUL!!! **gasps at the sheer horror of what that means**  
  
Zelda:.........................  
  
Link: **in a small voice** I am flawed.  
  
Zelda: O.O ........!  
  
Link:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. ..  
  
Zelda: **knows how to stop link** Link, screaming like that gives you wrinkles.  
  
Link: ...OOOOOOOOOOOO- Really?! **Runs back to the castle for a mirror and returns** Ha! No wrinkles. I am perfect. [and I saw waffles in the kitchen. Oh yeah]  
  
Navi: **breaks out of Link's bottle** whatheheckwasthatimeanganonjusttotallydissapearedaftermakingallofusbelieveth atthecastlewasonfire...  
  
Link: **maces navi**  
  
Navi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Justkiddingicantbelieveyoutriedtomacemeagainlinkhowcouldyoubesomoronicallyst upidimeanyoumustbethebiggestidiotintheentireworldifyouthinkthatyourmacecande feattheFAIRYFROMHELL!!!  
  
Zelda: Shut. Up. I'm SICK of your incessant babble!! **her eyes start glowing and her hair starts whipping around her head**  
  
Navi: Oh no...  
  
Link: Cool! I wish I could do that. But that doesn't look good for your hair. My beautiful bangs could never survive that torment with out a few **shudders** Split Ends.  
  
Zelda: **in an eerie totally powered up voice** NOW YOU SHALL FEEL THE FULL WRATH OF MY POWERS STUPID FAIRY!!! DIE!!!!!! **a huge flash of light bursts from Zelda's hands and hits Navi**  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Mypowersaregonetheyhavebeendestroyedandiwillneverbeabletoreturnthemtomebecau setheaouthorofthisficisreallyreallyreallymeanlikethat!!!!!  
  
Link: What's this? **Sees a large pot fall from nowhere, hit the ground, and break**  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOO!! MYCOFFEE!!!!  
  
Zelda: OK. I'm normal again. Lets go back to the castle.  
  
Navi: **uncontrollable weeping** My coffee is gone. No...caffeine...growing weak...must have caffeine... **falls to ground** ...............................................  
  
Link: NAAAAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! OK. Let's go. [and eat some beautiful waffles. Like me. I'm also beautiful] **pulls out mirror** I am so hot.  
  
Zelda: Freak.  
  
***back in kitchen***  
  
Link: **happily munching on waffles** Fay, Zelfa, wafn't thay a kweftion ya wanted ta ask me.  
  
Zelda: Don't talk with your mouth full you pig.  
  
Ganon: Did someone say pig?  
  
Link and Zelda: Go away!  
  
Ganon: But I like pig. **gets dreamy look in eyes** So hot- I mean- yummy.  
  
Link: ...................!  
  
Zelda: O.o  
  
Ganon: Bye!  
  
Zelda: Umm.............right. Yes there was a question, Link. Strange things keep occurring every time I try to ask you. Kinda like someone is trying to stop me.  
  
**Twilight music starts**  
  
Zelda: NO! NOT THAT MUSIC!! WHERE'S IT COMING FROM???  
  
Link: **hears nothing** What music?  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!  
  
** Twilight music stops**  
  
Zelda: That's better. So link.  
  
Link: Yes?  
  
Zelda: How are you able to-  
  
** Twilight music starts**  
  
Zelda: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!  
  
Link: Tiene una problema, chica.  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! SPANISH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!  
  
**Twilight music stops**  
  
Zelda: **wipes brow**  
  
** Twilight music starts, then stops right away**  
  
Zelda: AAAAAA- huh?  
  
** Twilight music starts**  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAAAA!!! WHAT IN DIN'S NAME IS GOING ON??? THIS IS INSANE!!!! I'M GOING INSANE!!!!!!  
  
Link: **has heard none of the music or Spanish** O.O ..................................[she's finally lost it. She's gone insane. I'm hungry. I wonder if we have any waffles. Hey! Where's my mirror? Shoot! Now I can't look at my beautiful self! I wonder if we have any waffles? I could use a new waffle maker. My old one burns 'em]  
  
Zelda: I HATE YOU!!! YOU LOSER!! You UGLY loser!!  
  
Link: **small voice** loser...........? **sobs**  
  
Zelda: Just kidding!  
  
Link: I love you!  
  
Voice from sky: We have come to visit. Welcome us now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OK, I know it's getting repetitious, but it'll get better. Better humor, better umm...everything.  
  
Link: You suck at this. Don't try to rival my immense beauty.  
  
Ummm....I really don't know what to say. You think you're beautiful? **laughs**  
  
Link: HEY! 


	5. Old Friends

Disclaimer: There's someone in this world that owns Zelda. But it's not me. **sniffs**  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Strange voices from above: You will receive us now.  
  
Link: What if we don't wanna?  
  
SVFA: THAT IS NOT AN OPTION!!!  
  
Link: **meeps** Sorry!  
  
**bright lights descend from the sky**  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!  
  
Zelda: **giggles** Silly Link! Hi guys!  
  
Link: Hi? Who- oooohhhhhhhhh...Hiya!  
  
**bright lights transform into the seven sages who stand there looking very regal**  
  
Rauru: Hello Zelda. Link. Wasn't that God-like voice the COOLEST!!! You were like OMG! And I was like, HEAR ME ROAR, and you were like, OMG!! And- **gets smacked upside the head by Impa**  
  
Impa: Sorry. He found the liquor. MY liquor. **eyes tear up** it was my special stash.  
  
Zelda: for what?  
  
Impa: :& ................. :& ..................you don't wanna know.  
  
Zelda: **suspicious** Yes, I do.  
  
Impa: When Rauru got drunk- with his OWN champagne **glares at Rauru, but he just giggles**- he would...make......advances...  
  
Zelda and Link: o.o  
  
Other sages: We never knew of this!  
  
Impa: We kept it a secret. But the drinks were the only way to forget...  
  
Everyone else except Rauru, who's still giggling: o.O ...................................................  
  
Saria: **in a feeble attempt to break the silence** Hey! I know! Let's play a game! How about-  
  
Impa: NO!! NO GAMES!!!  
  
Everyone else: ................................................  
  
Rauru: **giggles**  
  
Impa: The horrible images of Rauru bending over like that... twisting himself in those positions...  
  
Everyone else: O.O .............................................  
  
Impa: We even had our own special method of deciding what our...positions...would be.  
  
Everyone but Rauru: O.o  
  
Rauru: I liked getting to decide!  
  
Link: [I can't believe Impa and Rauru... I wonder if she can make waffles...]  
  
Zelda: [My caretaker... I thought she saved her fun for ME...]  
  
Saria: [What are advances? Forget what?]  
  
Darunia: [Damn lucky Rauru]  
  
Nabooru: [I've always wanted to strangle that guy. Now I've got an excuse] **grins evilly**  
  
Ruto: [Link is so HOT! Damn lucky princess...just cause I'm a Zora...Oooohh Link! You HOTTIE!!!]  
  
Rauru: [I wonder if Zelda has any good liquor here]  
  
Zelda: Impa? Did you *allow* him to do that to you?  
  
Impa: Sure!  
  
Everyone except Rauru: o.O  
  
Rauru: **giggles at thoughts of playfulness**  
  
Impa: I mean, at first I thought it was harmless fun, but then I discovered it was really painful! I couldn't stand the both of us contorted like that...so I had to finally say no.  
  
Everyone but Rauru: O.O  
  
Rauru: **starts sobbing at the thought of rejection**  
  
Impa: I told him, if he wanted to play like that he would have to find another partner. I'm just too old for this kind of thing.  
  
Nabooru: But Impa, Rauru is, like, a zillion years old! You aren't even 40!  
  
Impa: That's why I started. I thought I could come out on top every time, but Rauru is surprisingly fit-and agile.  
  
**Everyone shudders except Rauru, who is still sobbing**  
  
Impa: I said, "Rauru! It's over between us! I can't see you secretly like this anymore. It's over."  
  
Rauru: **relives moment** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! **sobs harder**  
  
Impa: I said "Rauru, no more Friday night Twister!" He ran away sobbing like he is now.  
  
Rauru: **starts bawling very, very hard**  
  
Everyone: O.O TWISTER!!!!! WE THOUGHT......  
  
Impa: Thought what? I thought I made it clear- **Realizes what they thought** You SICKOS!! **turns to Zelda** YOU TOO???  
  
Zelda: **nods head shamefully**  
  
Impa: Zelda...you know you're the only one I could ever play Candy Land with.  
  
Zelda: **runs into Impa's arms crying** I KNOW!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!  
  
Everyone except Zelda, Impa, and Rauru: O.O  
  
Link: We never heard that.  
  
**mutters of agreement**  
  
Darunia: Nobody ever played Candy Land with ME!  
  
Ruto: Why are you playing Candy Land to begin with?  
  
Darunia: ........umm.......did I say that out loud.........oops.........  
  
Link: That either.  
  
**more mutters**  
  
Saria: Hey! I've got an idea! Let's go to Link's house for a party!  
  
Everyone: ............................  
  
Saria: What?  
  
Nabooru: Saria, Link's **makes finger quotes** "house"-  
  
Link: Hey!  
  
Nabooru: -is, like, a hundred square feet. It's like a closet in a tree.  
  
Link: ........ninety...........  
  
Nabooru: Huh?  
  
Link: I've gotta keep my waffles somewhere....**gasps** OH NO!! MIDO!! **To everyone** I've gotta go! **mumbling to self as he runs out of castle ** if that jerk face even THINKS about touching one of...  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Saria: Different idea. How about we have a surprise party for Link. I mean, he was the one who saved Hyrule, not us. We just sat around watching him after we each gave him a little medallion that did absolutely nothing whatsoever. I mean sure we *said* we would be with him, but that was a bunch of bull. We didn't do anything for him at all. Furthermore- **passes out from lack of oxygen**  
  
Ruto: I'm with Saria. Let's have a big party right here. Umm...does anybody have some water?  
  
Zelda: I'll go get some. **leaves, is gone for a minute, returns, and dumps it all over Saria**  
  
Saria and Ruto: HEY!  
  
Saria: Now I'm all wet...  
  
Ruto: Zelda! I wanted that!  
  
Zelda: But I thought the water...ummm...oops! **giggles**  
  
Nabooru: I thought you had the Triforce of Wisdom for a reason Zelda. **laughs**  
  
Zelda: ummm... **tries to divert attention from herself** How about we start that party!  
  
Nabooru: Nice try. I'm not through with you yet.  
  
Zelda: **nervous, remembering Nabooru's stint on Weakest Link. She was kicked off because she was too cruel too the contestants** Party...anyone? Someone......anyone......help?  
  
Everyone else: **pulls up chairs to watch**  
  
**Ganon appears, everyone screams**  
  
Zelda: It's OK! He's insane!  
  
Everyone: **stops screaming** Oh! OK!  
  
**Navi appears**  
  
Everyone but Zelda: HI NAVI!  
  
Zelda: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! SHE FOUND THE ESPRESSO MACHINE!!!  
  
Everyone: ..................................  
  
Zelda: **runs from room screaming**  
  
Navi: hellohowiseverybodyihaventseenanyofyouinageswhathaveyouallbeenuptoidlovetokn owexceptimthefairyfromhellandicantstoptalkingbecauseihadtoomuchespressotodri nkbeforeicameoverand-  
  
Everyone: **runs from room screaming**  
  
Navi: COME BACK!!! I'LL BE NORMAL!!! I PROMISE!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: **pokes head around corner** You *promise*?  
  
Navi: Yes.  
  
Zelda: OK. **disappears** it's safe now guys!!  
  
**Everyone returns, and gets back in their chairs**  
  
Nabooru: Where were we. **grins evilly*  
  
Zelda: **gulps**  
  
Darunia: I'll go make popcorn! **leaves**  
  
Nabooru: Zelda! Where were you on the night of Ganon's defeat?  
  
Zelda: Right here.  
  
Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! Where were you on the previous night?  
  
Zelda: Hiding from him. **points at Ganon**  
  
Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! Where were you on the previous night?  
  
Zelda: u_u Hiding.  
  
Nabooru: Correct! Zelda! What is my middle name?  
  
Zelda: o.o ummm...  
  
Nabooru: Wrong! Zelda! PENALTY GAME!!! (A/n: if you read Yu-Gi-Oh! in Shounen Jump, you'll realize what I'm talking about here) **holds hand out at Zelda and shouts** ILLUSION OF DANCING WAFFLES!!!  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAA!!! Everything is changing!!! I'm seeing nothing but waffles!!! And they're dancing!!! This must be an illusion! Cool!  
  
Nabooru: You have paid the ultimate punishment. I am done. **sits down, and everyone claps and cheers**  
  
Everyone: **claps and cheers**  
  
Zelda: Just kidding!  
  
Everyone: **claps and cheers**  
  
Nabooru: NO! My punishment failed!!  
  
Everyone: **claps and cheers**  
  
Nabooru: Will you stop that already!?!?  
  
Everyone: **claps and cheers**  
  
Nabooru: I'm serious. Stop it!  
  
Everyone: **claps and cheers**  
  
Nabooru: Feel the wrath of my awesome powers!  
  
**Everyone stops clapping and cheering except Darunia, who's a little slow**  
  
Darunia: **claps and cheers**  
  
Everyone: -_- **heaves a collective sigh**  
  
Saria: Hey! I know!  
  
Zelda: I do too! You're right! I'll go get them! **leaves**  
  
Saria: o.o ummm.............  
  
Impa: You're gonna have to get used to that.  
  
Saria: o.o ummm..............  
  
Impa: Seriously. Get over it.  
  
Saria: o.o ummm.............  
  
Impa: Can we get some help over here? I think she's in shock.  
  
Saria: o.o ummm.............  
  
Rauru: I can help!  
  
Impa: What can you do?  
  
Rauru:**blushes**  
  
Impa: GET OUT OF HERE YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!!!!  
  
Rauru: eek! **runs off**  
  
**Zelda returns with Tatl and Tale**  
  
Zelda: I've got a remedy!  
  
Tatl: SARIA!! BY THE POWERS VESTED IN ME, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE!!  
  
Everyone: O.O ................................  
  
Saria: **recovers** Who can make waffles? I like waffles.  
  
Everyone: o.o ..............................  
  
Zelda: So does link...  
  
Saria: Really?  
  
Zelda: Like you wouldn't believe.  
  
Saria: NO! I BELIEVE YOU!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
**The others head off to do random party things**  
  
Darunia: I'll go find some other people...  
  
Ruto: I'll get the food...  
  
Nabooru: I'll get some games, or something...  
  
Rauru: I'll get the liquor!  
  
Impa: NO YOU WON'T!  
  
Rauru: You can't stop me!! **runs off**  
  
Impa: I'll go get the idiot...and Link, while I'm thinking about it- he's probably trying to kill Mido over a few waffles...  
  
**meanwhile...**  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
**hours later, everyone else has returned**  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Zelda: NO WAY!!  
  
Saria: YES WAY!!!  
  
Ruto: I've got the food!  
  
Darunia: I've got the guests! **has a bunch of people tied to a rope, slave style**  
  
Zelda: You weirdo. Those are the guests, not new slaves.  
  
Darunia: Oh.  
  
Rauru: I've got the liquor!  
  
Impa: **grabs it from him** I"VE got the liquor. And the moron. **points at Link**  
  
Link: Hey! Those waffles were important!  
  
Impa: And you beat Mido up for eating one.  
  
Saria: All right, Link!  
  
Impa: Saria, Mido was beat up. For eating a waffle. One waffle. One single waffle.  
  
Saria: ALL RIGHT, LINK!!!  
  
Link: **hugs Saria** You always were my best friend.  
  
Zelda: EXCUSE me????  
  
Link: And you're my girlfriend.  
  
Malon: What??  
  
Link: And you're the girlfriend of my girlfriend.  
  
Malon: Awesome! When do I start? How much does it pay? What're the times?  
  
Link: ummm..........umm........  
  
Darunia: Can I be a girlfriend?  
  
Tatl: You've got issues, dude.  
  
Darunia: Are you making fun of me?? ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME????  
  
Tale: Sure she is!!  
  
Tatl: WHAT!? NO! I WOULD NEVER!  
  
Darunia: YOU WILL PAY!!!  
  
Tatl: meep!  
  
Darunia: I HATE YOU **sobs**  
  
Tatl: O.o ..............  
  
Ruto: What about me?  
  
Link: We're a fundamentally incompatible species, who could never have a baby.  
  
Ruto: **pouts** Doesn't mean we can't try.  
  
Zelda: O.O  
  
Link: UMMMM........you can be the other girlfriend of my girlfriend.  
  
Ruto: What're my benifits? Do I have job security? What about stock options? Do I get to drive the company vehicle?  
  
Link: ummm..........umm........  
  
Zelda: Start now. No pay. All the time. No benefits, job security, no stock options. Company car? CARS DON'T EVEN EXIST HERE!!!  
  
Link: Actually......  
  
Zelda: Asking the Goddesses to give you a car doesn't count.  
  
Link: Why-  
  
Zelda: WHERE THE HECK WOULD YOU EVEN TAKE IT!!!  
  
Link: I could make Ganon jealous.....  
  
Zelda: u.u Does anyone else have anything?  
  
Link: **totally oblivious to assorted party items** Anything for what?  
  
Zelda: **panicking** ummm...............nothing my little Waffle-muffin. Hey! I've got.....umm.....waffles! Yeah, that's it! Waffles! In the......uhhh.....dungeon! Yeah! Dungeon! Let's go!  
  
Link: OK! Waffles for me! **skips down hallway** Yay!  
  
Saria: He's so messed up...  
  
Nabooru: I've got Twister!  
  
Everyone: NO!  
  
Nabooru: oopsie! **giggles, realizes she doesn't giggle, and grins evilly** I'll get...another game!! HAHAHA!  
  
Impa: Please not some demented form of twister...please...  
  
Rauru: Please...some demented form of twister.heehee...  
  
Impa: **pales** Psycho freak perverted old man.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well? How'd I do? I liked this one more. But that's an author's opinion.  
  
Link: I've seen better in contemporary art.  
  
Jerk.  
  
Link: BAD contemporary art.  
  
I'm gonna kill you...  
  
Please R&R. Now. THAT'S AN ORDER, SOLDIER! 


	6. Party Time!

Disclaimer: There once was a little boy who grew up to own Zelda. Unfortunately, he wasn't me. Boo hoo...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
**In dungeon**  
  
Link: **Sitting on a giant pile of waffles** I love waffles. ^_^  
  
Zelda: I know.  
  
Link: D'ya know how much I love waffles?  
  
Zelda: No. And I don't care.  
  
Link: I could eat this entire pile. Every last one. Each glistening in its syrupy sheen. Mmmmmmmmm. I want one. Real bad. I want a waffle so bad, I could spend a long time in a dungeon somewhere eating nothing but waffles.  
  
Zelda: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're the grand prize winner!!  
  
Link: Yay! What'd I win?  
  
Zelda: A MOUNTAIN OF WAFFLES!!!!!  
  
Link: Just as long as they're not as beautiful as me.  
  
Zelda: **sarcastically* Glad to see your inferiority complex isn't acting up like it normally does.  
  
Link: **munching on waffles** Excuse me?  
  
Zelda: Nevermind. **leaves**  
  
**upstairs**  
  
Impa: I think...we might need to move the party to Hyrule field... or Lon Lon Ranch...  
  
Darunia: Why?  
  
Impa: Oh, no reason in particular, just that EVERY PERSON IN HERE HAS TOW SQUARE FEET OF PERSONAL SPACE!!!!  
  
Darunia: but... **sniffs** I was...only trying to help...**breaks down weeping**  
  
Rauru: **drinking** could you- hic!- keep it down, Impa? You're- hic!- so stinkin' loud sometimes.  
  
Impa: OH GREAT! NOW THE GREAT SAGE OF LIGHT IS NOW THE ALMIGHTY SAGE OF ALCOHOL!! I'D LIKE A LONG ISLAND O MIGHTY GOD OF ALCOHOL!!!  
  
Rauru: You're so mean! **runs out of room sobbing**  
  
Nabooru: **returns with some demented form of twister** I'm back... and with a demented form of twister!  
  
Rauru: **returns** Yay! A demented form of twister! **starts sobbing when he sees Impa.  
  
Impa: PERFECT! JUST PERFECT! A DEMENTED FORM OF TWISTER!! AND A PERVERT!! WHAT'S NEXT? WELL??? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME???  
  
Nabooru: **starts crying**  
  
Hylian kid: Mommy? Has that mean lady been drinking?  
  
Impa: **turns around to yell at kid** DRINKING??? DRINKING??? I DON'T DRINK!! I HAVE NO REASON TO DRINK!!! YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF A BRAIN YOU STUPID LOSER FACE MORON!!!  
  
Hylian kid: **runs out crying** Mooommmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Saria: Great, now she's making little kids cry.  
  
Impa: I WOULD NEVER MAKE A LITTLE KID CRY!! WAIT! I'VE GOT AN IDEA!! LET'S MAKE YOU CRY, SARIA!!! YOU'RE A LITTLE KID! AND I CAN MAKE YOU CRY!!! STUPID LITTLE BABY!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Saria: Liiiiiiiiiiiink!!! **runs off to dungeons**  
  
Ruto: **to Impa** You jerk! How DARE you! You've just made one sage weep, another sage sob, another cry, yet another run to her best friend, and a little boy want his mommy.  
  
Impa: AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT FISH-BREATH?  
  
Ruto: fish...breath...? and you just made me... ** bawls loudly**  
  
Zelda: Impa! What's WRONG with you??  
  
Impa: DON'T START WITH ME PRETTY GIRL!  
  
Zelda: Impa...you haven't been doing your meditation classes lately, have you?  
  
Impa: I DON'T NEED MY MEDITATION CLASSSES!! THAT "INSTRUCTOR" WAS A FRUITCAKE!! A PANSY!!! THAT IS FOR WEAK PEOPLE!! I AM NOT WEAK!! I AM ONE OF THE STRONG!!!  
  
Zelda: I guess I'll need...**turns and leaves**  
  
**Link returns with Saria**  
  
Link: Impa! There's only one beautiful person in that room, and that person's me. Furthermore, I'm not eating waffles! You know what that means? It means I'm not in the dungeon. Do you know what that means? It means I'm up here talking to you. And do you know what that means? It means you've been a BAD GIRL! **runs up and hugs Impa**  
  
Impa: O.O!  
  
Link: There! All better! We still love you. You're a good person.  
  
Impa: **eyes get all big and wet** Thank you Link. I needed that so much. You're a great friend. I love you.  
  
Link: ummm.........  
  
Saria: He means we still care about you, despite your being the guardian of the crappiest temple of 'em all- a giant tomb. I mean, the walls are made of skeletons... that is SO gross!! And why the heck is it so easy to get through? There's like, what, two small keys? It takes very little brains to get through that temple. At least SOME of the temples are hard. Like mine.  
  
Impa: **cries** You're right! Why did I get stuck with the crappy temple? **sobs harder** My life sucks!!  
  
Link: Actually, Rauru has the worst job. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even have a temple. He just has his little room in the sacred realm. That's gotta be SO boring. I mean, really, I didn't even DO anything and he gave me a medallion pendant thingy. He was just, like: Hey Link! You're seventeen now! Here's a medallion pendant thingy. He's got nobody to talk to up there. **shudders** I don't even WANT to know what was happening to me while I was getting my beauty rest!  
  
Impa: ummm...about that.......  
  
Link: You KNOW?!?! You know what he did to me??  
  
Impa: ...yes...  
  
Link: WELL FOR DIN'S SAKE, TELL ME!  
  
Impa: You really don't want to know...  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
(A/n: look familiar?)  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: Yes I do!  
  
Impa: No you don't.  
  
Link: **pulls out Master Sword** Yes. I. Do.  
  
Impa: **meeps** OK, OK! **whispers something in link's ear**  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! HE WHAT??!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Zelda: **returns with Impa's medication, but sees Link** Maybe I got the wrong medication...  
  
Link: My beautiful body! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm so ashamed! **sobs**  
  
Zelda: .....?  
  
Impa: Rauru...um... **whispers in Zelda's ear**  
  
Zelda: O.O WHAT?! RAURU WHAT?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Link: Don't laugh!!! It's...so...disgusting! **uncontrollable sobs**  
  
Zelda: Link! Are you crazy! That's not that bad!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Impa: **glares at Rauru** Now look what you've done! You've probably scarred him for life!  
  
Rauru: **looks at ground and makes little circles with his foot** But it was fun... He looked... **tries to suppress a giggle but can't**  
  
Link: RAURU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! TODAY YOU WILL DIE!!!! **pulls out Master Sword and starts walking toward Rauru**  
  
Rauru: **sweatdrops** Link...wait...please don't...I'm a sage...  
  
Link: **still advancing** Tell me something I don't know.  
  
Rauru: O.O UMMMMM......i threw away all of the pictures of you...  
  
Link: **stops** And has anyone else seen them?  
  
Rauru: Well...  
  
Link: Yes?  
  
Rauru: Well?  
  
Link: YES??  
  
Rauru: You see...  
  
Link: OUT WITH IT!!!  
  
Rauru: Just one other...  
  
Link: Don't mess with me!  
  
Rauru: ......Saria......  
  
Link: **blinks** What? Saria? WHAT??? SARIA SAW THE PICTURES???? HOW DARE YOU SHOW MY BEST FRIEND-  
  
Zelda: Hey!  
  
Link: You're my girlfriend.  
  
Zelda: Oh! OK!  
  
Link: -SUCH COMPROMISING PICTURES OF ME!!!! I SHOULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!!!  
  
Saria: They weren't that bad Link...  
  
Link: Really?  
  
Saria: well...there was one...**starts giggling**  
  
Link: One WHAT?  
  
Saria: He- **giggles harder** He- **starts laughing uncontrollably** HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!  
  
Link: **hysterical** WHAT WAS IT????  
  
Saria: **laughing** He took- **laughs** all of your clothes off- **giggles** and he- **laughs really hard**  
  
Link: MY CLOTHES?!? OFF?!?!?!  
  
Saria: And he- **face turns red from laughing so hard** He put you in- **laughs wildly** OH CRAP! THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!!  
  
Link: **rising hysteria** NO! NO FUNNY!!! I SEE NO FUNNY!!!! THERE IS NO FUNNY HERE!!!!!  
  
Saira: **calms down a little** OK, OK! **giggles** He put you in one of Zelda's dresses. **keeps a straight face for about one second, then starts laughing**  
  
Link: **ready to cry** He...what?  
  
Nabooru: **snickers** Hey Girly-Link, don't you need a purse with your dress?  
  
**Darunia, Ruto, and Rauru all snicker at this**  
  
Link: **runs to corner and starts crying**  
  
Zelda: Hey! Don't pick on him! Just 'cause he wears one of those little pansy Kokiri tunics-  
  
Saria: Excuse me?  
  
Zelda: Sorry. Just 'cause his tunic looks like a girlie dress doesn't mean we can...**unsuccessfully tries to smother a giggle** Doesn't mean...**laughs harder** We can...**laughs hysterically**  
  
Link: **sobs** I want my mommy.  
  
Navi: She died. A long time ago.  
  
Link: NOOOOOOO!!! **more wild sobs**  
  
Tatl: **to Navi** Some friend you are! I love you link! **tries to hug Link, but runs into his eye**  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MY EYE!!! I'M BLIND!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY FACE HAS BEEN FLAWED!!! I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Tale: Good job sis.  
  
Tatl: Oopsie...  
  
Link: **sobbing**  
  
Saria: Ummm...guys? How about that party?  
  
Link: Party? What party? Where? Is there waffles? And a beauty spa?  
  
Saria: What's that?  
  
Link: I don't know. But you go there to become beautiful.  
  
Saria: .......oh.......how...important...  
  
Link: You bet! Wait! There's a party?  
  
Zelda: Ummm...no. Go back to the dungeon for waffles.  
  
Link: OK! **skips off singing** Waffles for Link!  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Zelda: Let's finish before he runs out down there.  
  
Impa: But I placed a huge pile there! How could he........nevermind...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
You like? Please R&R! Not sure when I'll update... I've got other ideas... (That's scary) 


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